How to be the Best Gift Giver
4 practical steps for being the best at gift-giving with flexible costs and without added pressure.
Table of Contents
Why Gift-Giving Matters
While this is a deeply personal matter - determining why gift-giving is important - there are a few factual reasons why it is important to put thought behind gift-giving:
Climate Change Impact
Financial Burdens
Compassion, Empathy, Connectedness with Others
Firstly, the impact on our environment with regards to gift-giving is not negligible. Between emissions for shipping / delivery, plastic generation, paper consumed, and landfill-filling, when gifts are given, it is also important to consider, what is the ultimate destination for this gift? Not to say the answer is “no gift for you!”, but rather, consider things like:
Does the person receiving this gift like X, or will they end up donating or tossing it?
Instead of shipping this gift to me and then reshipping it to a recipient, can I have it shipped more directly?
Is there a clever, sustainable way to package or wrap it?
Small, positive changes can be implemented to mitigate the negative impact. Consolidating orders or shopping trips, for example. Another idea would be replacing physical items with experiences or sustainable consumables.
Secondly, financial burdens gifts may place on the giver or the recipient are important considerations. It may be obvious the financial impact to the giver (i.e. cost of items + shipping), but there are also considerations as a recipient. If gifting, for example, a gift card, but the gift card isn’t enough to cover the full cost of an item, then by design the recipient must spend money to use the gift card (what the businesses like about gift cards!!). This might be very acceptable, as in combining big box store gift cards to reduce the cost of a large ticket item for a housewarming gift that the recipient would be purchasing anyway. On the negative side, it could also put undo stress on someone who may not be as financially comfortable. Buying a gift card to an expensive dinner at a restaurant someone doesn’t normally frequent, and not fully covering a meal, will cost the recipient in a way they may not typically budget for. While yes, intentions may be well-meaning, it could cause stress for the recipient just as easily.
Lastly, thoughtful gift-giving is important as a driver in our relationships. It generates connectedness with those around us. Nothing quite tugs the heart strings like feeling seen, connected, and understood by someone. It goes beyond the obligatory “it’s your birthday, so I got you something” to “I was thinking of you, and this is the perfect gift to honor your personality.”
This does not necessarily equate to loads of extra time, money, or creativity. In fact, it is my experience that following these steps helps focus and target all of those resources carefully to some of the best gift-giving possible.
4 Steps
Choose a Love Language
[This information is based on ideas in the “5 Love Languages” book, of which more information can be found at the source here: https://5lovelanguages.com/]
Very high level, and quickly, the idea behind love languages is we all have a priority of how we like to show and receive love, whether it’s in romantic, familial, or platonic relationships. We might have more than one favorite love language, and preferences likely shift over time and even from relationship to relationship. Knowing that people differ in how they express love is incredibly important in any relationship building endeavor.
This combined with the mindset of the “platinum rule” - “treat others the way they want to be treated” - leads to a simple foundation for gift giving:
Give a gift the recipient wants.
The first step for narrowing down the list of possibilities is to take a moment and assess: how does the recipient prefer to receive love? Do they prefer having things done for them? Or tangible items? Undivided attention and time? Hugs, hand holding, or other forms of physical touch? Validating and affirming language?
Look for clues in how they treat others. Do they buy things for people when they travel? At holidays or birthdays, what do they give? What do they talk about really enjoying? Is it going out to dinner with their friends or getting a cool new thing from their loved one? These are all ways to help choose the foundation of your gift.
Don’t spend too much time here. Chances are if you put 5-15 minutes of thought into their personality, you’ll get a love language that’s in their top 2-3, and that’s what we’re looking for. Not perfection, but guidance.
Learn more about each of the love languages here: https://5lovelanguages.com/learn
Choose a Theme
This requires some knowledge as to why you are giving a gift. Is this for a celebration? Is it for encouragement during a particularly difficult time? Is this meant to be fun or more serious? Regardless of how well you know the other person, if at all, knowing a bit about the situation will help guide a theme.
Is there a hobby or interest you’d like to highlight in the gift-giving? (i.e. gardening, pets, favorite movie or book genre, handmade, unique items or food)
Is there a built-in theme? (i.e. encouragement for a cancer diagnosis, baby-on-the-way, or milestone birthday)
What tone is appropriate? (i.e. funny, sarcastic, serious, or artistic)
Again, a 5-15 minute brainstorm can be sufficient. Look for clues in what the person has in their house (or cubicle), what they talk about when they tell you stories, whether or not they can laugh at themselves or if they prefer a more serious tone in their day-to-day, etc. Even on the most generic level, a theme indicates thought, and will up-level the gift.
Source a Gift
Pre-considerations for sourcing a gift:
Budget - How much are you able / willing to spend on the gift? Be sure to consider cost of wrap, shipping where applicable, and any ancillary items, like cards.
Time - Do you have time to order / commission a personalized handmade item? Or do you have to turn-around the gift more quickly?
Availability of Recipient - If this is a timed experience, is the recipient available and flexible enough to enjoy the gift?
Accessibility - Is this something the recipient can physically do comfortably and has shown interest in doing?
Now that you have a love language and a theme, it’s about finding just the right gift that fits both those things. If you’re stuck here, do not panic! You have the internet at your fingertips, and because you did the legwork to figure out the foundation of your gift, your Google query just got more specific, helping you target the right blog or list of items online to help fuel your creativity.
An Example
If one determined the love language is “quality time”, the hobby or interest chosen as the theme is gardening, and we want it to be a serious gift, the next step would be to brainstorm ideas that combine all of the above:
Quality Time indicates spending time with the person, with undivided attention and minimal distractions. One might consider an experience, preferably together when possible. Like grabbing coffee or food, going somewhere new and different, or some outdoor experience like hiking or taking a walk.
Gardening narrows down the experience ideas to those with plant-specific themes. For example, if there is a particularly plant-centric or -themed restaurant, museum, park, or place to visit.
Pair the experience with a serious card or small serious gift, matching the theme.
If I were doing this in my local town of Rochester, NY, I would offer a list of dates and events that would include things like the local Orchid Show, a Mt. Hope Cemetery Tree tour, or a Highland Park Conservatory tour. I might include a cup of coffee at the George Eastman Museum gardens. I would buy a locally illustrated floral card featuring any of our local favorite flowers, but maybe in particular a lilac bouquet. The list of ideas here range from free to $15+ depending.
Other Gift Ideas
Locally sourced, unique food items themed to provide a fun lunch or dinner. (i.e. a “bring your own meat” Taco Night basket or family movie night box)
Memberships to a museum or non-profit granting year-round experiences
Donations to themed non-profits in their honor, thus supporting an organization important to them
Clever Delivery
Once the ideas have been brainstormed and the gifts sourced, it’s all about delivery. This is crucial to meeting the person where they are at, considering things like:
Where is the recipient physically? If they just experienced a tragic loss, they may not be home to take perishable deliveries, for example.
Who will be present? While certain gifts might be funny or intimately significant, they might not be appropriate for a family birthday party and might be best delivered separately and more discretely.
What are the logistical obstacles? If you live in different cities but are consolidating shipping by shipping directly to the recipient, address it to a household member willing to help wrap, or budget in gift wrapping from a small business or artist who can put a personal touch on the gift giving process.
Is the timing off? Maybe the gift is coming a few days late. That’s ok! This day and age, we’re all used to shipping snafus or timing miscalculations. Print out an image of the expected item and depending on how funny you think you are, wrap it in a card or huge box for the recipient to open.
Some general rules I try to follow:
No smells, unless I know the person really well. Some people, or their household members, are sensitive to smells, so I’ve taken to not buying smelly soaps, lotions, or perfumed items. Some people LOVE these as gifts, in which case, this rule doesn’t apply, but my default is no smelly things.
Limited tissue or wrapping unless it’s functional. I often give bags with just things in it, or 1 piece of tissue to kind of obscure the items. If the tissue is protecting an item from damage, I’m all for it, but if we’re just snazzing the gift, I find it wasteful, personally, and most people have not yet been offended by this approach.
No forced commitments. If I buy physical items, I give gift receipts where I can. If I’m planning an experience, I let the recipient weigh in on date / time. I don’t buy tickets for a planned event without getting explicit permission / confirmation from the recipient, prioritizing respecting their schedule over the surprise of the gift.
Mitigate unexpected burdens. For example, if I want to treat someone to dinner out with their significant other, I try and source the full amount to ensure I’m not handing them a restaurant bill at the end of their experience. Or if having something perishable delivered, have it delivered in such a way that it can sit outside in the event they’re not home to accept delivery immediately. Some of these logistics just aren’t avoidable, but minimizing them reduces friction for the recipient and adds to the thoughtfulness.
Ideas from my Shop
I’m continually adding themed graphic designs to my print-on-demand Zazzle store, so if you have a gift recipient who’s love language is receiving gifts, or words of affirmation, you might find the perfect design and item available there. View my themed collections in more detail here.
I also have hand-made items captured in themed catalog entries here.
It’s a thrill of mine to enable and empower thoughtful and unique gift-giving. If you have any ideas for how I can further assist, please contact me directly!
